Thinking and feeling are important and necessary parts of human life
In this article, you will gain insight into how overthinking and being overly sensitive can lead to feeling trapped in yourself and your relationship.
The causes of overthinking, insecurity, and uncertainty are explained, as well as why one can feel anxious in a relationship.
Finally, there are guidelines on how to manage and resolve the issues of overthinking.
If it’s too difficult to solve the problems on your own, there is, however, great help available from professional couple therapists and coaches.
You just need to carefully choose the person who can help you in the best way.
An old saying goes: Too little and too much spoil everything
Imagine that you’ve finally found the love of your life.
You are happy together, and you’ve built a strong, solid relationship.
But then worries arise.
Disturbing thoughts and feelings sneak in, like when your partner repeatedly comes home later than usual.
Or takes a long time to respond to calls and messages.
Or doesn’t seem particularly interested in what you’re saying or doing.
Each time these seemingly small events occur, the mind can generate all sorts of negative thoughts.
These thoughts can turn into words, leading to arguments with your partner – which only makes things worse.
It’s a negative spiral that can ultimately lead to a disaster for the relationship.
Overthinking poisons the mind and drives a wedge into the relationship.
Overthinking, its causes, and how it manifests in a relationship
Overthinking happens when you dwell too much on something that shouldn’t be of great importance.
It typically occurs due to insecurity and uncertainty.
Overthinking drains mental and emotional energy, bringing out obsessive tendencies.
This creates inner chaos and negativity, which negatively affects the relationship.
For example, your partner might make a casual comment about a past relationship.
While others might brush it off, your mind becomes flooded with questions like whether your partner still has feelings for their ex.
Or whether your partner is only with you out of convenience.
This can lead you to start interrogating your partner, sparking explosive conflicts that could have been easily avoided.
Past and future
There are two primary causes of overthinking:
The first is when you dwell on the past and constantly replay the same issue along with the negative emotions tied to it.
This issue can be something as small as your partner’s lack of attention during a specific event that had a significant impact on your relationship, like a wedding or birthday.
If you find it difficult to let this go, it can continue to repeat in your mind.
As a result, it becomes hard to live in the present, and the two of you may slowly drift further apart.
The second cause of overthinking is when you worry about the future.
It’s normal to think about the future, but when the stress over it becomes more frequent than necessary, it becomes a problem.
The worries can include fear that your partner might be unfaithful or decide to break up and be with someone else.
There can also be concerns about not being good enough, or that your partner isn’t “the one.”
Relationship anxiety
Overthinking doesn’t just appear out of nowhere.
Often (always) it stems from experiences in childhood and upbringing.
Relationship anxiety refers to the negative feelings you have about the relationship.
When you start to question your own worth in relation to your partner, or when you overanalyze every movement and word your partner makes, you’re suffering from relationship anxiety.
Relationship anxiety can stem from, for example, a lack of self-confidence and self-worth, constant arguments, or doubt about the future of the relationship.
Often these are exaggerated or non-existent problems that you’ve created in your mind.
Reactions to this anxiety can manifest as either dependency or passivity:
Some people become dependent on their partner in every way.
They have an extreme need for communication, closeness, and support. So much so that they often use manipulative or controlling behavior just to get their partner’s attention and presence.
Passive people, on the other hand, seek isolation and rejection.
They may tend to express their needs in unhealthy and unnatural ways – out of fear of being rejected themselves.
They can have difficulty creating and nurturing intimate relationships.
Overthinking and its impact on emotional, mental, and physical well-being
Overthinking is such a toxic habit that it affects every other aspect of life.
For example, physical health can suffer significant damage.
Overthinking can trigger panic attacks and cause long-term anxiety, with high and persistent levels of stress hormones.
It can also result in symptoms like dizziness, headaches, chest pains, diarrhea, sleep disturbances, and rapid, shallow breathing.
In addition, overthinking can increase the risk of further health-related challenges.
Overthinking can also affect mental and emotional health.
Studies suggest that overthinking negatively impacts problem-solving abilities.
You can become so fixated on a particular issue that you can’t see the situation from a broader perspective, and thus stop actively searching for new solutions using creative ideas.
Overthinking can cause aggression and destructive anger.
It becomes difficult to control your temper, and you may become violent, either physically, psychologically, or emotionally.
There is nothing wrong with having (negative) thoughts and feelings.
The problem arises when they are expressed in what you say and do, creating issues for both yourself and others.
Overthinking can also harm self-confidence.
For instance, you may become overly sensitive, where even the smallest challenges result in emotional setbacks.
You might become jealous and demand constant reassurance from your partner, leading to surveillance, spying, controlling behavior, and other destructive attitudes and actions.
Inadequacy
When you have low self-esteem, you tend to dwell on your inadequacy in the relationship.
“Am I good enough for my partner? Am I speaking to them the right way? Do I dress in a way they like? Am I doing well enough?”
All your actions revolve around pleasing your partner and seeking their approval and acceptance.
You may even begin to hide your flaws.
You do everything you can to be perfect.
Ultimately, this can trigger trust issues.
Insecurity and a lack of trust suffocate the relationship, and the more you overthink, the more unreal and irrational your thinking and imagination become, which greatly influences your emotions.
It’s a negative spiral, where one thing feeds the next, and so on.
These are just a few examples of how damaging overthinking can be for a relationship.
Therefore, it’s important to resolve these problems before they completely destroy both the relationship and your health.
How to manage and solve the problems of overthinking
Managing overthinking can be a huge challenge.
But the good news is that there are concrete and effective methods to solve these problems.
Partly, you can do a lot yourself, and partly, if it’s too difficult to handle on your own, you can seek help from professional counselors, who can help with communication tools and mutual understanding.
For my part, I wouldn’t even dream of trying to repair my car if it wasn’t working.
Even though it would probably be possible with all the instructional videos available on the Internet.
I wouldn’t risk ruining it by experimenting on my own.
I’d rather go to a professional who has the knowledge, tools, and experience to make it work again.
Take your time
Start by taking your time.
The most significant difference between a happy, harmonious relationship and an unhappy, broken relationship is that happy couples take their time to solve issues.
Unhappy couples, on the other hand, do things without thinking, which can easily escalate a minor issue into a larger conflict.
Make sure to find the necessary time to find out what you actually want to express.
It’s essential to talk to your partner about your feelings.
It doesn’t have to be all about overthinking – it’s more about opening up and finding out why you feel the way you do.
Do you feel inadequate? Are you anxious about the future? Or are there past events you can’t seem to let go of?
Once you’ve identified the problem, share your feelings with your partner.
Try to do this in a non-accusatory way – remember that your partner probably doesn’t realize how much these thoughts are affecting you.
Communicating openly with your partner about your thoughts can make you feel less alone and more supported, and your partner will likely want to help you through these struggles.
Try to reflect on whether your thoughts are real or imagined.
Overthinking often leads us to exaggerate things that aren’t real or to invent issues that don’t exist.
Thus, it’s crucial to take a step back and challenge your own thoughts.
Are they based on facts, or are they just assumptions? If they are based on assumptions, it may help to talk about them with your partner.
Focus on the present
The past has already happened, and the future hasn’t yet arrived, but right now is where you can make a difference.
In fact, mindfulness techniques can be very helpful in counteracting overthinking.
Try to remind yourself to live in the moment and appreciate what you have, instead of worrying about what might happen later.
This can make a significant difference in calming your mind.
Lastly, if overthinking continues to be a major issue, it might be necessary to reach out for help from a professional therapist or coach.
There’s no shame in seeking external help to fix relationship issues, just as you wouldn’t hesitate to hire a professional to repair a broken appliance.
An experienced therapist or coach can guide you both toward a healthier mindset and more effective communication.
To sum up: Thinking and feeling are important and necessary parts of human life.
However, it’s essential to have healthy thoughts and emotions, especially when it comes to relationships.
If left unchecked, overthinking can lead to chaos, doubt, and destruction.
It’s possible to prevent this by learning how to manage thoughts and opening up communication with your partner.
If the issues persist, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
It’s better to address these challenges early on than to allow them to grow and damage your relationship.
Are You Thriving ♥ – Or Is Your Relationship Hurting?
- I can save and improve your relationship quickly and effectively with concrete communication tools and strategies so you can understand each other.
- If the relationship is in chaos with fear, anger, confusion or stress, there may be a need for overview, structure, and clear common rules to create mutual understanding for each other.
- I am a kind of driving instructor, teaching the “Traffic Rules of Relationships”. In a way, it’s about theory, parallel parking, city driving, night driving, and slippery roads. All of this must be learned thoroughly before finding your own driving style – also in the relationship!
If you want to find out if I can help you and your partner, please call me at phone +45 – 21 79 18 50
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