End of the Year
For many years, I have used December 31st to look back on the past year and reflect on what has happened.
Together with my family, we look at pictures and talk about the people we have met and what has mattered to us.
On January 1st, we look forward to the coming year. I make plans and think through strategies.
And I write a farewell letter!
I got the idea from one of my friends in the military.
He told me that deployed soldiers, before they leave, always have to write a farewell letter to their loved ones, in case something happens to them and they don’t come home alive.
This inspired me to try the same, as part of the New Year’s ritual every year, and it turned out to be a powerful experience.
The farewell letter has two functions:
- If I suddenly have to leave in a hurry, it will be a loving message to my survivors.
- If I am still here next year at this time, I have enjoyed being able to reflect on my life and my choices and their consequences.
The contents of such a letter could be:
What do I really want to tell my survivors if I suddenly have to leave in a hurry?
What do I want them to remember me for?
What have I done for them and for myself?
What have I achieved in my life, and what have I not achieved while I was here?
What has mattered to me?
What have I found difficult to say face-to-face?
What am I proud of?
What am I grateful for?
If it is difficult to do together, or it just takes too long, you can find help from couples therapy in Copenhagen or from other skilled and professional couple coaches and couples therapists in Denmark or abroad.
New Year
I always encourage my clients to do an expectation alignment/value clarification with each other at least once a year, preferably in connection with New Year’s Eve.
So now I also encourage them to each write a farewell letter to their partner, which the partner will only see if one passes away.
It is a completely private and secret letter as long as one is alive.
A new letter should be written every year, and you can read the letter from the previous year(s) at the same time.
This too will lead to reflection.
The letters should be kept in a place that can be easily found if one suddenly dies.
It is not a conventional will with practical things, but rather a LIFE testament about life and death.
In fact, it is a plan for what to do while you are still alive, so that people at the funeral feel and say what you want them to feel and say.
Also, watch the movie “P.S. I Love You“, where a deceased man sends 10 loving letters to his widow.
He wrote these letters before he died.
www.blockbuster.dk/film/ps-i-love-you
A Plan
As with all plans, you need to think and make some preparations and adjustments for the plan to be realized and become a reality.
If you don’t have a plan, it’s like a ship without a rudder: It will be blown here and there by the currents and winds, and maybe you won’t end up where you want to go.
Therefore, a good plan is important, and of course, to stick to it afterward.
And it should be checked and adjusted regularly.
When the car goes for its annual service, the mechanic at the workshop also takes it for a ride over the pit…
Even though it can be both painful and anxiety-provoking to write a farewell letter, it is still a good idea to get it done every single year.
It will make it much clearer to you what you want in life – and then to achieve it.
My Motto
I have a personal motto that says:
- I plan my life in expectation that I will live to be 112 years old.
- But I live it as if I have to leave tonight.
By that, I mean that I live healthily and sensibly, but I don’t let a single day go to waste.
Are You Thriving ♥ – or Is It Hurting in the Relationship?
- I can save and improve your relationship quickly and effectively with specific communication tools and strategies, so you come to understand each other.
- If the relationship is in chaos with fear, anger, confusion or stress, there may be a need for overview, structure and clear common rules to create mutual understanding for each other.
- I am a kind of driving instructor who teaches ”The Rules of Relationship Traffic”. In a way, it’s about both theory, signs, right of way, clutch control, parallel parking, city driving, night driving, and skid driving. All of this must be thoroughly learned before, after obtaining the driver’s license, you find your own driving style in your own type of vehicle. Whether it is “a small Fiat” or “a huge 18-wheel truck”. If you know ”The Rules of Relationship Traffic” and can handle your vehicle, you will arrive safely and securely on “the highway”.
If you want to find out if I can help you and your relationship, call me at phone +45 – 21 79 18 50
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